What I would give to have my grandmother Fufu’s burnt orange longhorn Nike tennis shoes. “Fufu” was my dad’s mom and as the story goes, I am credited with her awesome one-of-a-kind grandmother nickname, Fufu. She was born Frances Fitzgerald. However, the nickname Fufu suited her so well.
My Fufu was a larger than life figure in my life (and I am pretty sure in the lives of my cousins and other family members as well). I spent a lot of time with her growing up. Most of the memories take place at her home where I would have sleepovers, swim and play with my cousins.
What I remember most about my grandmother Fufu were her painted on brown eyebrows, her ruby red lipstick, her Mexican inspired flowy blouse tucked into her long full skirt synched with a wide elastic belt adorned with a large gold daisy buckle and… those burnt orange Longhorn Nike tennis shoes. Oh, and her perfume! I think I’ve only smelled it once or twice on passing strangers in the 20 or so years since she’s passed but it takes me right back to sitting on her lap.
Club Med circa 1984
I don’t have the burnt orange longhorn Nike tennis shoes because I never asked for them. I was in my early 20s when she died and it wasn’t something I thought about it. Or maybe I did. I just thought there would be an opportunity to ask for them, but there never was.
You may care more about a family ‘heirloom’ that has more monetary or less monetary value than a pair of old sneakers, but if there is something you care about that you would like passed on to you from a family member, ask for it. Make it known that it means something to you. It’s likely your family member or loved one doesn’t know. I am sure my Fufu never dreamed I would want her sneakers!
How do I ask??
“Fufu, I want your sneakers when you die.” Sounds a little weird coming off the tongue. And, knowing my Fufu my request may have amused her. Me having the gall to think she might be leaving this earth?
So, How do you say it? Make “the ask”?
“Fufu, I would like for you to leave me your sneakers. I want to see them and think of you. They mean something to me. They remind me of you – and how you always danced your way through life – on a little extra padding.”
I wonder if we had shared this conversation, what it would have meant to her? I know it would have meant the world to me. Just the memory of the conversation itself. Then, the sneakers would have been cake.
When your loved one is gone, you will be glad you made “the ask.” That you not only have the memento or heirloom, you will have the memory of making “the ask” and sharing a priceless conversation.
Sending love,
Jody
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